The best kind of love that you can experience is self love…that was straight like a quote 🙂 maybe it is, maybe I have heard it somewhere before. But it is true, in order to receive and give love, you need to start loving yourself.
I have recently read Jay Shetty’s “8 Rules Of Love” and one of the main ideas were that you receive what you give, therefore you must spread kindness. He talks in dept also about karma and other stuff, but this is true-be kind to others. Also, he suggests that everyone must be careful how they present themselves to the world, because that version can make someone fall in love and then you will say that it is not you- ” it was just a mask”, that means that is your fault since you did not presented your authentic self. I recommend you read this book, it shifts your perspectives on love. Another great thing that he said that when searching for love; especially when meeting someone new, you should focus on 3 things and the first dates: if you like their personality, if you respect their values and if you would like to help him/her fulfill his/her dreams. Also, in a recent interview with Drew Barrymore, when he was asked by her on why she is not finding romantic partner, he said, that she should analyze if she has love in her life, maybe is experiencing in other ways trough her friendships, family, because after all love is not entirely romantic life. I thought that this is a powerful way to view life, be grateful and search for love of any kind, not just for the “man of your dreams”.
Life is complex, and you may not have it all at this moment, but you need to be patient and be kind to others and yourself. I will add something, when pursuing a life partner, make sure you pin point what you actually want in a partner. Start searching and remember action is needed after all in all aspects of our lives.
The first sign of an existential crisis is feeling lost. You feel that you are lost in someone else life and you wonder how you got there. Usually, this feeling of being lost comes as a result of something bad that has happened in your life that makes you question your entire life. The decisions that brought you here, clearly won’t take you further.
BREATHE. How are you feeling now? Are you feeling anxious, stressed or do you feel depressed? Pause for a moment and acknowledge your state of mind. Why are you feeling this way? Has someone made you feel unworthy or do they hurt you in some way? Or maybe you are mad at yourself for not achieving something? Maybe, you wanted something to do , but you’ve never had the courage to do so. For example, I was working for a multinational, staying overtime each day and dreaming, precisely having nightmares every night about wrong reports. while the world and including myself experiencing a global pandemic, I was dealing as well with a psychopath boss at work that made me exhausted. I have lost myself, without me noticing I experienced a harsh depression that was undiagnosed only later, at one point I had no way out only to quit without having a job in the middle of a pandemic. Remember, nobody has the right to make you feel unworthy and make sure you value your mental and psychical health while you trying to achieve greatness at work. As some one said, remember that “we work to live, not live to work”, remember you are more than your work.
The key to overcome your existential crisis is to look in within. What do you value? Do you value free time, family, money, love, friendships? Make a list with your priorities. You have no idea what are your life priories? No problem, start a list with makes you happy, calm, it could be a walk in a park, it could be drawing or listening to music. As Hector Garcia and Frances Miralles wrote in their book Ikigai (https://www.amazon.com/Ikigai-Japanese-Secret-Long-Happy/dp/0143130722)the secret to discovering your passions is looking at your childhood since a child is free from the adult imposed barriers and most of his time, he expresses what his heart really wants. As I look back on my childhood, I remember that really liked books and even wrote a poem, so it is no wonder that know I found that I enjoy writing as well. To be hones, reading helped me a lot through difficult times, I had access to wonderful books that helped me through my rough times. There are plenty of books that offer you advice on how to overcome anxiety, depression and also sorts of difficult times in your life. One book I recommend is the book written by Nicole LePera ( How to do the work); this book provides excellent tools in understating yourself.
All books essentially consider an existential crisis a wake up call, you were on pilot mode, not thinking what you were doing and now , you begin to feel. Yes, you may feel lost, angry, but the outcome, even though is discovered through a long journey will be extraordinary. As Viktor Frankl says in his book The Man’s Search for Meaning, people want meaning in their life, they want a purpose to live for; whether is small or big, it doesn’t matter, it can be as simple of providing for your family or it can be as complex as curing a disease. When I read this book, it made sense, we humans need purpose, money can bring happiness, but if we do not have purpose in life, we can feel lost. Also, it is good to question things, as author James Hollis ( book Finding meaning in the second half of life) says having a crisis is a good thing, since it may be you have a mission in life, something that you put off and wants to unveil itself. Also, for those who do not like to read or do not have time, please listen to Jay Shetty’s podcast Purpose, this podcast essentially discusses purpose in life and as well different important topics in one’s life.
I hope that this helps. Remember, each step you take will bring you closer to a better version of yourself. You’ve got this.
Since you’ve found this article, maybe you need something to change in your life. Believe me, I was in your shoes and I still am. Let’s say that this blog is my way of doing so.
Acknowledge where you are at this point in your life. Is everything alright? Did you want to achieve something by a certain age and you didn’t. That’s okay, there’s no time limit to your dreams. Check in first your mental state: are you angry all the time-why this may happen? Are you happy? Are you okay?…Check and list your emotions that you are going through at this stage.
After you have acknowledged your emotions, try to find a reason why you are feeling this way-did you suffered from a heartbreak, or maybe you’ve lost your job? In many case, the reasons may be superficial. As psychologists say, suffering may come from your childhood; you were conditioned to behave or act in a certain way. I recommend you start reading the book “How to do the work” by Nicole LePera to help you in that area. Dig deep down into your condition and you may find yourself starting to change. It will be messy, you will be angry towards those who have raised you, but nobody’s at fault here. You have to break your old pattern and evolve into a new human being. The next step- your reinvention. After all, humans constantly evolve and change during their lives, you were not the same person you were 10 years ago, but that’s okay. Nobody expects that.
Dare to dream. What do you want to do with your life? Do you want to switch careers, do you want to find the love of our life? Start breaking your major goals into small ones: changing careers – such as figuring out what you are good at, taking some classes; finding love-meet new people, don’t judge people so easily. Find your “ikigai” ( your meaning in life). I recommend you read the book “The Ikigai Journey: A Practical Guide to Finding Happiness and Purpose the Japanese Way” by Hector Garcia.
I know that this blog post, probably didn’t help you a lot, it may be only a superficial recommendation from my part, but I hope that you will be able to transform your life for better.
Notes from Ladybug 